Released.

Everyone falls in love, everyday of every week we fall in love.

We fall in love with people, food, clothes and the world. We can fall in love with life.

Love is a wonderful thing and without it in the world I don't believe we would find happiness.

But what happens when that love hurts you every single day of your life, every morning when you wake up? Is it still beautiful?  

  I like to think so. 

Love that hurts helps you to grow, it helps you to realise your boundaries and also how strong you are as a person. When love hurts you it helps you to gain perspective in your life and to make time for yourself and eventually after time, after the healing process - you feel free of the pain.

Do you know the exact moment in which you are free? Did you notice a change in yourself? Did you physically feel a weight lift from your body?

For the past 18 months I have felt trapped, restrained, hurt and suffocated by a love that I couldn't break away from. I couldn't even mention the name of this person without a gut wrenching feeling that I would never feel that way again. 

The moment you realise you are no longer in love with someone or something that will never work is the exact moment you want to shout from the rooftops and tell the world. 

I know the exact moment that this happened for me. 

Recently the magic happened, I feel free, released from a grip I never thought I could break away from. And it came after a full night of crying my heart out in to my pillow. After seeing him out for the first time in over a year, I didn't know how else to react - crying was the only thing my body would allow me to do. 

The tears, the pain, the heartache all of it came back to me and felt like it was taking over me. Physically as well as mentally I felt exhausted, but actually this was a good thing. I woke up feeling more free than ever. I woke up and knew for the final time that I was over it. 

I could speak about him without being angry, I could imagine him with another person and feel happy for him and I could finally get on with my life without worrying about feeling hurt. 

When you finally move forward with life, you don't just forget. And I don't want to forget. I want to live with the things that I have learned and use them everyday in my life. 

Moving on and 'getting over' something or someone means that you no longer feel bitter or angry. You feel content and free. 

Fall in love with yourself. Fall in love with the world. Fall in love with life. 

WE ARE ONE...

Today I walked past a homeless guy on Oxford Street.  

Today I realised that we are all in this together. 

Today I decided to try and inspire you to help. 

I walked past a guy on the street with a sign that clearly said he was an ex-serviceman. Putting this in perspective, this guy served our country.  He served his Queen. He protected us. He protected your children. 

All he had was a sleeping bag and one other small bag with him, his whole life spread around him in the doorway of Primark, in one of the busiest places in the UK. So why did nobody help him? Why did nobody even stop to say hello? 

I first walked past this guy two weeks ago when I did the same as every other person on the street, I walked on by and gave him an awkward sympathetic smile. This in ways maybe much worse than just plainly ignoring him - he doesn't need my sympathy, he doesn't need me pity. He needs my help, our help. 

The biggest fear in all human beings is rejection, and rejection is the reason I offered him nothing before today. Every time I tried to offer him lunch or tried to speak to him before I got there my mind would always find the fear of him saying no. 

WHY ON EARTH WOULD HE SAY NO?!

He is trying to survive Every Single Day, trying to eat, trying to sleep. 

He doesn't know when his next meal will be, he hasn't got a home that he can go to in the evenings to keep warm and curl up on the sofa with a nice hot cup of tea and a biscuit. He doesn't know where he will lay his head tonight to sleep or the next time he will be able to take a warm shower or even see a friendly face. All of these things that we take for granted Every Single Day. 

Today I conquered the stupid fear of rejection and I asked him if he would like some lunch. Immediately he said Yes Please that would be great. 

The smile on his face was heartwarming and all I had done was offered to buy him a meal from McDonald's - something which we take for granted all of the time! When I asked him to choose something from the menu - he wouldn't. He told me that I was buying it so I should choose - I assume this is because he didn't want to be rude and ask for too much?! What is too much?  For me £6.00 for a meal with a hot drink and a bottle of water is never too much. Especially to see someone so happy, so grateful. 

Why do we believe that we are better than homeless people? Why do we believe that we are better than people that are on a different path of discovery to us? Why does driving around in a Mercedes make him any better than the guy on the bus? 

Objects and 'stuff' do not make us better than others around us, we are all in this together. We are all trying to do the best we can to live the life we want and be happy. But we should never forget that everything that we own could be ripped away from us in a second. 

What would you be worth? What would you have given the world? Who have you helped that could repay the favour? 

Or have you been too wrapped up in your own life to realise that everybody needs a helping hand from time to time. 

If anybody who reads this post can think about it next time they see somebody sleeping rough on the streets - put yourself in their shoes. Just think about the everyday things that you take for granted.

Buy someone one the streets a meal, sit and speak to them for half an hour if you really don't want to buy them anything - but don't just ignore them. 

I was already in a rush when I stopped to buy lunch for him, but next time when I see him I will make sure I say hello and ask some questions, speak to him. Everybody deserves friendship. 

Please try and help others out - we all need to work together to make the world and safer and nicer place for us all to live. 

You can donate now to Shelter or Crisis  if you are in the UK and it only takes 2 minutes out of 1440 minutes in your day.

If everybody who reads this post donates £5 to one of the charities I have listed - the world will be a much happier place for people sleeping rough. 

In 2014  2,744 people slept rough on any one night - lets help fight homelessness. Give someone a home, give someone your Time. Time is more valuable than anything else will ever be. 

Be Kind. 

Pay it forward. 

Make someone smile. 

TODAY. 

Don't wait. 

The Enlightened One.

Buddhism.
What is Buddhism? Do only Asian people follow the Buddha? Do Buddhists pray? Is Buddhism a religion?

Buddhism, as I have recently discovered, is so simple, yet so complex. The steps in which you practise Buddhism are very simple indeed, once you know what they are of course. Once you delve deeper in to these steps you find all sorts of complexities that deepen the Buddhist path.

I was born in to a Christian/Catholic family by title but atheist by faith. I was Christened which by the way, I didn't choose - nor do I remember. When I was old enough I joined the 'Brownies' which was held at the church and we attended the church on Sundays, although I was never sure what to believe. I think that my attendance of the Brownie group was more to do with the different adventures that we went on and the friends that I made whilst attending.

Growing up I always felt interested in Religion and during my GCSE's I picked to take Double Religious Studies. Maybe I was always interested in learning about the different faiths because I was unsure which faith I would like to follow or live my life by? Maybe I just really liked the teaching style of our RS teacher?

I remember being taught about Buddhism during our classes and never fully understanding it, we were never taught about the Buddhist path, The Four Noble Truths or The Noble Eightfold Path. We were mainly taught that Buddhist monks meditate and live in the East.

Every now and again throughout my journey after school I have looked on the Internet to find out what I can about Buddhism, now let me tell you - don't believe everything Google tells you! I had a strong belief that the Buddha said 'if you never crave or desire anything you can never be disappointed, in which case - you will never suffer'. My uneducated and unwise mind couldn't believe that Buddhism was that simple! Well I wasn't wrong when I was confused by this.

I recently started reading a book called 'Buddhism for Beginners' - By Thubten Chodren. It was a very nice book to read to start me off on what Buddhism was about but I didn't feel that it went in to complexities enough.

On an hour long trip to Foyle's bookstore I found a book called 'the heart of the buddha's teachings' - By Thich Nhat Hanh (who I believe to be a very famous Buddhist monk and teacher).
I strongly recommend this book to everybody who enjoys reading, not only if you are interested in Buddhism but if you feel that there is something missing from your life, if you need to find true happiness and inner peace.
Not only does Thich Nhat Hanh explain Buddhism in a simple yet profound way - it all makes sense. Whilst reading his book I honestly wondered why everyone in the world does not follow the Buddhist faith? There are no rules to follow, there is no God to serve, Buddhism is about controlling oneself and training your own mind before pointing the finger elsewhere, Buddhism is about Mindfulness.

Being Mindful in everything you do, thinking before you act and having peace within yourself before blaming others for your suffering. It makes sense, if people around the world focused on making their own life happier and creating a happier space for the people that they love, then the world would be a much happier place for all of us. If we were taught to give to others instead of taking away and getting what we want - the world would be a happier place.

Particularly lately with such anger and hate around the world, terror attacks and murder are happening more and more around the world than ever. Maybe we should be trying to help the people that want to kill, help them find peace with the world instead of hating on an entire race/religion just because the media tells us that's who it was. Being a Muslim doesn't make someone a murderer, being a Christian doesn't make someone boring, and being Jewish doesn't make someone rich. The world has so many labels and so many stereotypes that it is hard not believe that all of the people that belong to certain community are the same.

In 'the heart of the buddha's teaching' Thubten Chodren writes about how we need to erase the labels that we have placed on things in the world and realise that we are all individual. He teaches us that our perceptions can sometimes defy our rationality. When we perceive something the wrong way, it can cause us to suffer, we have to stop jumping to conclusions and judging what is in front of us before we decide on its worth.

I may not be completely correct in the way that I have described the Buddhas teachings, but I do know that since reading the book and practising being Mindful, I have felt much inner peace and much happiness. Meditation is a big part of the Buddhas teaching and when I first tried Meditation I realised how there had been a massive chunk missing from my life. Meditation helps you to relax, and be mindful, it helps you to accept being angry and hurt, and it helps you to move forward and be at peace with yourself.

Even if you don't feel like you need to, just have a read of the book and see how it can change your life for the better.

Finding peace and happiness is the ultimate goal of most human beings, you can find it using the Buddas teaching. You don't have to become Buddha and you don't have to make many changes, its the smallest change s that see the biggest results.

Find your inner peace, find your inner Buddha.

New Year, Old Me - Standard End of Year Review of my Life in 2014.

As 2014 is closing down on us fast and 2015 is approaching there are a few things I would like to say to myself and actually share with you. Maybe as you read the things I write you can reflect on your own year and see if you really made it count.

Did you really have an amazing 2014? Did you accomplish all that you hoped for? What are your goals for 2015?

Every New Years Eve I say how amazing the year has been and how much fun I have had, and every year I believe it when I say it. I don't say it because I think it's the right thing to say, or it's because it's what everyone else seems to be saying, I say it because I am truly grateful for life and the chances I have been given.

New Year, New Me. Why does everyone feel the need to say they're going to change just because the date has?! The numbers on the end of the date don't change you - you change yourself. Don't make a 2015 a year to change you, make it a year to develop, a year to better yourself and the way you live. Make 2015 a positive year.

2014 has been a year of huge development for me. I feel as if I finally found myself, I found true happiness. When I started this Blog, I wanted it to inspire people and to encourage people with broken hearts that life goes on, life gets better and most of all - you can be happy again. Did I honestly believe what I was writing when I said you can be happy again? Yes. Was I honestly happy when I wrote that? No.

I believed that there was happiness somewhere along the road, and I knew I would get there eventually but what I didn't know is that I wasn't ever going to be at the destination of happiness - I had to ride the happiness wave. Yes I said it - the happiness wave. I'm not really sure what that is but I know it's the best way to describe how I feel at the moment. Throughout the day when I'm alone, when I'm caught in the 'Now' moment, I just smile to myself and appreciate everything I have and everything that I have become.

If you hadn't already noticed, I have started by changing my blog from 'heartbreaker' to 'daydreamer'. It's a change in me, I'm not a heartbreaker, well at least I hope I'm not. But I am a major day dreamer - I think in a day I am more likely to be somewhere else in my mind that in the room that I am sitting in. I dream of everything - from far away places, the people I want to meet, the things I want to learn and the way it will make me feel.

At the beginning of 2014 I felt further down in my own sadness that I had ever felt before, I wouldn't say I was depressed but then again - How hard is it to admit depression? I had never felt more lonely, my job was awful, I was still extremely broken hearted and didn't want to admit it.

On 15th January I finally cracked, I quit my job! I just quit, I didn't go back, I didn't even work out my notice. I left and I sent an email to my boss who by the way, one might refer to as a cousin of Hitler! She was awful and I felt like she was grinding me down until I had nothing left.

Was quitting my job the right thing to do?
For me, yes but I wouldn't advise it! I am lucky enough to have a large support network around me that would support me if I was unemployed long after the resources I had left in the bank ran out.

Luckily I was only out for 3 weeks before I was starting a new job with a corporate company for a lot more money than I was previously earning! I felt like I had won the lottery, not only had I got away from the one woman who was destroying my existence, I had landed myself a job with some good prospects! SCORE.

So there you have it, off to a bad start in 2014 and suddenly my life is turned around by changing one thing. Changing jobs is a daunting experience for some people, but I love the excitement of learning new company rules, day to day routines changing and meeting some new and exciting people.

What did this teach me? After a long history of having awful holiday blues when I came back from a week away and the buzz I got from changing my routine, changing my environment, meeting new people - it all made sense. The one thing I thought about more than ever was right in front of my nose and I just needed to grasp it!  Travelling, Exploring, Nomad - whatever you like to refer to it as. Living out of a backpack, wearing the same clothes for weeks on end and meeting untold amount of people in a different city every month - My dream was finally in the palm of my hand.

My whole life I have wanted to travel the world, its been my biggest dream. I haven't ever really wanted to have a career, I wanted my career title to be 'Explorer' but I have always thought it too expensive. My excuse was always that I can't afford it and I don't earn enough money to save. I now know what other people mean when they say that it annoys them and I can afford it. It's not that I couldn't afford it, it's that my priorities were wrong, if travelling the world was really my dream I would have to prioritise differently. And so I did. My priorities changed, I sold my brand new swanky car that I was coughing up £190 for each month and started saving more money than ever before and I set a date for October 2015.

During the first two months of saving I realised I didn't need heaps of money to get where I needed to be - so I moved my departure date forward to August 10th 2015. So that was it, my one way flight to the other side of the world on my own had been booked. It was real, I was really becoming who I wanted to be.

I think 2014 taught me a lot about happiness, I think we find true happiness when we fulfil our life long dreams. Everyone has different dreams in life and dreams change all the time.

When I was nine years old I dreamt of being the person in the swimming pool changing rooms that mopped the water in to the drain - please don't ask me why or how my life aspirations were this! I had so much more potential but I liked the way the water moved swiftly down the drain when it was moved by the mop!

I've had a few dreams since I've been growing up but none of which I feel were my own, I followed what other people dreamt of being. I did things because that's what my friends were doing, I never truly followed my heart, but 2014 taught me to never give up on chasing my dreams. They're only as far away as you put them.
I could have saved to travel the world years ago but many other things came along and became my priority, but now I have my priorities in order.

Never let anyone tell you that you can't achieve your dreams even if they feel a million miles away, don't be discouraged just shuffle a few things around in your life and see what you can create.

One other thing I have learnt is to cherish the moments you have, don't take life for granted. We were put on the earth for a reason, and no matter what that reason is (we may never know) we still need to reach our full potential.

I think it's so easy to get bogged down in to comparing who has the best 'stuff' but really life isn't about stuff. No one cares what dress you wore or what bag you have or if you wore your snapback at a rave but they will remember you at that rave. Humans are programmed to remember experience, to remember how something makes them feel. 'Stuff' only gives us temporary happiness, it never allows to be permanently happy because once we have the feeling is gone. Find some experience, live your life - don't waste 2015 on 'stuff'.

What have you learnt in 2014? What would you like to develop in 2015?

Everyone has a bucket list - and even when you think its not possible to be the person you want to be, you have to realise it is. Things don't come around to those who sit and wait - you have to work for it, you have to prioritise.

To wrap it up, I have had an amazing 2014 and these are the words to describe what I have learnt.
Happiness, forgiveness, appreciation, love, contentment, hard work, giving.

I look forward to having an unforgettable 2015 with the people that I love the most. I wish the most amount of happiness to everyone who reads my blog. And I find happiness in the fact that I forgive a lot of people of how they made me feel. I finally let go of the pain I have felt and I am moving on to something better than ever.

Happy New Year 2015. Continue chasing dreams.xx

Meeting Ed Sheeran. Should you meet your idols?

This is a question I have previously never been asked until after it happened to me.

Should you meet your idol? A popstar? An artist? A comedian?

Some people strongly believe that meeting your idol isn't a good idea as the idea and admiration you have of them may purely be fantasy. Will they be the person you believe them to be? You listen to this persons music every day on the way to work and watch them every time they're on the tv - you feel as if you know them. You're connected with them. But will they live up to expectations? 

Meeting Ed before The Steamboat Tavern... 

I first fell in love with Ed Sheeran and his music in 2009 when his videos started appearing on YouTube. I found him creative, his music is amazing, the lyrics just appealed to me and from then on I was hooked.

In January 2012 I first went to one of his gigs at Brixton Academy and I remember dreaming that I would see him after or he would speak to me. Needless to say out of 2000 people I didn't have a chance! Everyone can dream though aye!

I knew after 2012 it would be a long time before I went to another gig of his or had a chance to meet him - he went to America to play gigs and write a new album. I followed what he was doing on Facebook and Twitter until this year when he finally released his album X in June 2014.

A Screen Shot of my Secret Gig Booking..

Prior to the release of his new album, Ed did a series of free gigs around the world. After moaning about my job being boring I finally felt ecstatic that I could check my social networks during the day! I booked 2 free tickets to a gig in Ipswich for Ed Sheeran at a Secret Venue! I remember phoning my mum from work and being so overwhelmed that this had happened to me - I cried on the phone! Reading on social networks at how many people tried to get tickets for this gig and couldn't manage - I felt so privileged.


On Sunday 5th May 2014 me and my friend drove the 2.5 hours to get to Ipswich and stayed in a B&B for the night to ensure we were at the front of the crowd. I imagined there to be 200-300 people at the venue - THERE WERE NO MORE THAN 30 ! Imagine that - being in a pub with your idol standing 2ft in front of you singing with his guitar. Crazy. Even now it makes me smile every time I think of it! 

Ed playing at The Steamboat Tavern Ipswich.
 So Close I couldn't fit him all in the photo. 

I had decided since I knew who Ed was that I would have his autograph tattooed on to me if I ever met him. I already had 'Give a little time to me' tattooed around my wrist and it made sense to carry on my Ed Sheeran theme.

I love tattoos and it just made sense to have one that meant so much to me and had such a story to go with it. If anybody ever asks about my tattoo I can tell them about the day I met him and how amazing it was. Every time I look at the tattoo I can remember how that day made me feel. I aim to have a sleeve finished with different pieces of art of Ed and his music, I won't tell you any of my ideas until its finished, but I look forward to finishing it! 

Ed Signing my Arm... 

I had considered all of the things in my head that I wanted to say if I ever met him - yet when he came out to speak to everybody - I couldn't speak. It's not very often I am speechless! But on this occasion I didn't know what to say and I could not believe that not only had I met Ed, he had agreed to sign my arm!

He was so nice about it, he asked me if I was going to have it tattooed and said he hoped it doesn't hurt - he was everything I imagined and he went along the line speaking to all of his fans. He took photos with everybody and chatted to the guys in the queue that played the guitar.

Starstruck 

When somebody says to you 'I am on top of the world' - do you actually think they are? Do you think anyone can ever feel like they are on top of the world? Believe me - the way I felt that day and even now when I look at these photos is out of this world. Euphoric. I have never ever felt like that before - I'm not sure if it was adrenaline or just pure shock that I had finally met my idol. 

I have heard that meeting your idol can shatter your image of them and destroy your fantasy - I strongly believe that this isn't true. I have only ever met one person that I would love to meet but the feeling that it has given me and the amount of happiness I felt from it just doesn't warrant the comment that you shouldn't meet your idol. I'm not saying that every person you meet will fulfil all of your dreams and some people are probably very disappointed when they finally meet their idol but I would say most people aren't. 

Personally I believe that if you are disappointed when you meet your idol - then they are not worthy of being admired in such a way or you do not admire them enough. An idol is somebody you look up to, somebody that you have blind admiration to, whatever they do is the right thing to do - above anyone else like them. 


All I can say is that if you ever have a chance to meet the person that you look up to like no other person - then do it. I am 99% sure it won't disappoint you. If I could share the feeling with everybody in the world, I would. Purely because everybody would be so happy and I am sure nobody would fight because that feeling of being so high is indescribable. 

T-shirt and Tattoo of my Idol. Ed Sheeran. 

Who is your idol? Who would you love to meet or who have you met? Did it live up to your expectations? 

Let me know by leaving a comment below or tweeting me @guntherams

Pride - A short review. *Spoiler Alert*

Written by Stephen Beresford
Directed by Matthew Warchus

Synopsis 
Its the summer of 1984 Margaret Thatcher is in power and the National Union of Mineworkers (NUM) is on strike. At the Gay Pride March in London, a group of gay and lesbian activists decides to raise money to support the families of the striking miners. But there is a problem. The Union seems embarrassed to receive their support. But the activists are not deterred. They decide to ignore the Union and go direct to the miners. They identify a mining village in deepest Wales and set off in a mini bus to make their donation in person. And so begins the extraordinary story of two seemingly alien communities who form a surprising and ultimately triumphant partnership.

I recently saw this film advertised in the Time Out London Magazine and I had a feeling that it would be a good film. Little did I know that it would be one of the best films I have ever seen. From start to end it had my attention - you know sometimes when you watch those films and your mind drifts off to what you're up to next week or that report that's due in on  Tuesday morning - I had nothing of the kind, I was hooked from the start.

The film starts showing a young gay couple in a flat and the TV is showing Margaret Thatcher on the television speaking out about the current mining strike. It is June 1984 and its the day of the Pride March in London.
You then meet Joe - a young boy on his 20th birthday with his parents opening presents in his home. He leaves the house and goes to see the Pride March - He ends up being pushed into the crowd and asked to hold a banner with Mike. Joe's parents don't know that he is gay and he tries to hide in the crowd to avoid being seen.
When a group of gay people get together to create a support group called Lesbians and Gays Support the Miners (LGSM) including Joe and Mike who have only just met, they are ignored and nobody wants support from them. Even miners that are in such need of financial support did not want any help from the group because of their sexuality.

The anger and disgrace I felt when watching the scene unfold is astounding. These people couldn't even accept help from people that were willing to go out of their way for them. The way in which the film portrays the hatred towards these people makes you feel as if you are there in the time and feeling it with them.

By the end of the film I was in tears, tears of sadness and tears of utter joy.

My tears of sadness came not only because it was based on a true story but because the main character in real life died a few years after the LGBT legal rights were changed by the Labour party of Aids.

But my tears of joy came due to the solidarity between the miners and the LGSM. It is so liberating to know that people can change their view, once their eyes are opened they can completely change the way they viewed a person.

It would be so perfect if we were not judged by our sexuality or the way in which we dress, if everybody realised that we are all the same just trying to live a happy life and leave a print on the world in one way or another, do you not agree?

My advice would be to watch Pride yourself and really feel it, let yourself go and feel empathy with these people.

Hats off to the actors and the creators of this film, it has a great message and educates us on the pure struggles some people have faced due to discrimination.

Can people change?

People never change.I have always been told that people never change and it has been my life moto when my friends have relationship issues and can't decide if they should stay in a dire relationship with a guy that doesn't treat them right. I think its time I swallow my pride and admit that I could be wrong - Here's why.

I have changed, a lot. I am calmer, I am nicer, I am less judgemental and I honestly don't know why or how this happened. I didn't wake up one day and become a Saint and I am still not a Saint but I can tell you - I like the new person I have become. Have you ever met someone and wished you could be like them? Wished you could be so calm and so nice to other people? You can. It starts now.

Exactly one year ago I told myself that I would do things for me and save money to travel the world and stop doing things to please everyone around me. But I didn't do that, I was too busy going out wasting money on utterly pointless things - mostly alcohol or stuff. Stuff that I didn't need, stuff that just sat in my room doing nothing. Until the day I decided it all needed to go.
I used to think I enjoyed standing in clubs with my friends getting as drunk as we possibly could and essentially making fools of ourselves; maybe I did but I never felt that sense of fulfilment that I feel now. I can't remember the last time I did something that I didn't want to do or the last time I went to a club and drunk copious amounts of alcohol.

Instead now - my days are filled with pushing myself to learn new things, I have visited more museums in the last month than I think I ever have before. The feeling I get from visiting a museum or an exhibition gives me a buzz - I've learned something new - I have new knowledge about a subject I knew nothing about previously. I write draft posts, ideas and previously published posts for my blog and I set myself goals each week of how many page views I would love to get. Although I have no subscribers or followers for my Blog - I am enjoying writing and hope that there will be people in the future that enjoy reading what I write about.
I spend more time than ever with my family as previously mentioned in another post, and this is so much more fulfilling that spending time with people that will never understand me.

A little bit about me.. 

During my school years I felt that being popular was the most important part of school - as long a everybody knew my name I was happy. I was never the most popular kid at school but I think I was quite high up there with a name that people knew. I remember thinking that I would never want to be one of the quiet ones that do their work on time and get top grades - I would always rather have been a middle ground - clever but popular. I was never stupid by any means but I never fulfilled my full potential and I had other things to concentrate on beside my work. 

Being a teenager is a constant battle to fit in and to fit in you had to put yourself at the top of the chain, and to be at the top of the chain you had to belittle the people around you. I know I was a bully - not all the time but majority of the time I probably belittled somebody in my class - which looking back now is awful and rather cowardly of me. I should have worked with these people and learned from them - not pushed them down in to a world where they did not want to go to school. The bottom line is - I wasn't a very nice person and I always found a way to make someone scared of me -  but in reality I'm softer that your bathroom baby powder.

You see, I think people really can change, maybe its called growing up and becoming the person you want to be. I have changed so much for the better and I really enjoy the life I have.

Although my friends would say that I am boring now because I don't want to go out drinking every weekend or go clubbing, but they don't realise that I have changed and I am happy. My dreams are almost in the palm of my hand and I won't let them go - my dream of travelling may be the main reason that I have changed or maybe I am fed up with small talk all of the time. I know there is more to life than the small town I live in - there is more to life than the four friends I have.

I think we all spend too much time worrying about being lonely but it actually prevents us from enjoying the life we want to live and being the person we want to be. There is so much pressure from the people around us to be what they want us to be and it is hard to change the person we are and hard to adapt but if changing means you'll be a happier person then you should try. There is more to life than clubs and alcohol - there is a whole world out there - go and enjoy it.

Be yourself, it can make you much happier. See the world through somebody else's eyes and learn as much as you can. Change for the better.

See the world through someone else's eyes.