Sunday, 14 September 2014

When are you going to meet someone...?

Has your Nan ever said to you 'When are you going to meet someone?' ?
When you hear those words you just want to scream from the top of your voice that being in a relationship is not the only thing in the world? That you can cope alone and you're enjoying your freedom? That you don't have to consider anybody else when making decisions? And you can dip as many biscuits in your tea after your dinner without somebody giving you the 'look' as if your waist band is going to snap at any minute?

Biscuits - The friend of all emotions

I think we have all been there, you split up with your partner and everybody around you is already talking about when you will meet the next one, or where to meet the next one. Without a doubt, they will already be planning your wedding without you or a partner.
The more time that passes the more that the people around you begin to assume that there must be something wrong with you or you must be gay. Your mum has her friends round for tea and they discuss whether you have a partner of the same sex or who you must or must not be sleeping with if you're not in a relationship. Even your friends cant understand why you don't want a boyfriend, and to be quite honest neither can you.

My Life in Love.

I will give you a little bit of history from my life in love. When I was younger I never remember being bothered about having a boyfriend. I honestly found that bike riding and climbing trees was more my thing (Me and two friends didn't give our BMX bikes up until we were 18!) and we were always the ones getting dirty in the park every weekend with the boys.

My first boyfriend came at the age of 16. I remember him pestering me for so long that he wanted to spend time with me and really liked my company etc. and my words were 'Please don't carry on because I really don't want a boyfriend'. I am assuming somewhere somebody has said that love develops and I believe them to be right in one way. I grew to love this person, a lot. We became best friends - we did everything together. It wasn't perfect, of course it wasn't otherwise it would have lasted, but we were both very young and we needed to grow in our own way. But he was my first boyfriend and we both believed it to be serious, three years is pretty serious at such a young age. It eventually came to an end, and not in a bitter way - we just grew apart as different people.

After we split I met somebody pretty much instantly and they took over the next 3 years of my life. That's six long years in a relationship during the most important years of my life - during my growing and developing time. During the time that I should define who I really am. I don't regret the time we spent together and I don't regret letting my friends go (I am lucky enough to have friends that took me back afterwards) - I believe that everything happens for a reason.


During some drinks and a life chat with Davina* whom I had just met, she said to me that she envied me and how I could do anything that I wanted to right now. I have the world at my feet and nobody to answer to. Although I told her everybody is in the same situation Davina explained to me how she had been offered a 6 month post in Spain but her partner had told her that if she decided to take it, he didn't think he could wait for her to come home. Needless to say she didn't take the job.

Now my feelings and my actions for this completely contradict themselves because my head tells me that I wouldn't let anybody dictate to me what I did with my life but my heart used to say the opposite.  During my second long term relationship I told my boyfriend that I wanted to travel the world, to see as much as I could and I would be gone for at least 12 months. He didn't like that at all and told me that we may as well just end the relationship now if that is what I wanted, so instead of chasing my dreams I squished them to the back of my mind so they were almost non-existent. Although I tried to forget about my dream, every now and again it would haunt me, it would unexpectedly pop up and make me question what I was doing with my life. Have you ever put your life dreams on hold to please somebody else? Or out of fear of losing the person you love the most? 

I would love to say that nobody would ever hold me back from fulfilling my dreams and living the life I desire but if I am honest, I'm not sure I am strong enough to do that. When you're with somebody and you think you're happy and you think you love them - you would do anything to keep them by your side wouldn't you? 

When you realise your full potential when not being in a relationship, you begin to accomplish more. Your time is filled with the people that matter the most. I spend more time with my family than I ever have before - and I appreciate them more than ever. Sometimes when you are in a relationship you focus all your energy on that one person and you forget about the people that matter the most. 

But the point of this post was to answer the question of 'When are you going to meet someone?' My answer to the question - I don't know. 

I don't know because right now because I am happier than I have ever been. My mindset is changing, my life goals are changing and I am on the right path to fulfil my dreams. 

I can be happy without being in a relationship and I do believe that the older generation need to understand that life isn't only about finding someone to spend your time with and have children. There is a whole world out there to explore and we should aim to learn as much as we can about it before we leave it behind. 

I have learned to love being on my own. And you should try. It is liberating and it brings peace to you and we need more of that in the world. 

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